The Cravings of Severus Snape
by Sir Snark-a-lot
Summary: What happens when our stoic and sour teacher is hit by food cravings? A small humour ficlet a wrote off I prompt. R&R


**The Cravings of Severus Snape.**

Snape walked between the benches of the 3rd year joint Slytherin and Huffelpuf class, the last class before dinner. The were brewing a simple enough potion, but one never knew with these dunderheads. Just as he was about to have the glee of declaring that the class over, and taking out some of his annoyance on these fools, it hit him.

A craving. Not any old craving. The craving. It consumed him. His sneering expression faltered. He regained it quickly, thanks to the great control he had on his mind. He knew he had to act fast. For now, his mind was a slave to the craving. He needed to concentrate hard.

"Class dismissed", he said as he waved his hand, and bottled potions flew to his desk. The door opened, but no one moved. He realised what they were waiting for. "There is no homework for today. Now, Leave!", he said, anxious for them to get out. The students ran, even the Slytherins. This never happened. This was stuff of legends! No one wanted to even think why they suddenly had such good luck.

As he went through his metal list, he remembered he had two detentions this evening. They were Gryffindor detentions, too tempting to give up. He could always take them next week, but he needed the ingredients chopped. 'I'll make them take detention with Filch', he thought. What a missed opportunity though .

He sent a note to the students and Filch informing them of the change. The students were in the common room when they received the notes. On reading it, Fred and George stared at each other and collapsed where they were standing, too shocked to speak.

He made sure his classroom was clear before he locked himself inside his attached rooms.'Let the preparations begin.' He thought.

The Great Hall was buzzing. Both the students and teachers were gossiping. The students, for today Snape had. It given a class homework. A very, very, rare occurrence.

The teachers, for Snape had given away a detention with the Gryffindors.

Dinner began, and then the murmurs in both groups shot up. Snape missing dinner on top of it all? What was going on? The teachers knew that he wasn't ill, but where was he?

Snape had left the castle immediately after he got rid of the students. He had changed to a a pair of light blue jeans and a green polo, tied his hair, put on red and black crocs, and using a secret passage only he knew, reached in the Forest outside of Hogwarts wards. He then apparated to Muggle London.

He had reached. It was a restaurant. Not a great one, for they mostly did delivery orders. From there he had picked up two plates of chicken curry. Yes. Chicken curry. The best dish, in his opinion. He licked his lips. He then apparated away and picked up half a pound of mozzarella cheese, to mix in of course. Then, the last part. Lemon tart. A whole dozen. He bought them in a very upscale part of town, the freshest and and tangiest ones that he could find. He then shrunk and secured them inside his pockets. Next, the last thing, not for him, but a need. For this he would need to hit a Walmart. He needed Pepsi. All the units they had.

Armed with his goods, he apparated back. He arrived in the forest, his appearance charmed so that they didn't know who it was, surrounded by the centaurs. "Here you go", he said, as he gave them all his Pepsi, keeping only a month's supply for himself. They didn't ask any questions.

Next, once he was inside. He dropped off most of this particular cheese with the elves, keeping as much as he would need for himself. The elves acknowledged this. Now he knew he would not have to worry about the elves trying to enter his rooms and not being able to. The other teachers would wonder why their rooms weren't fixed, but for one day, no one would mind. Not that he cared.

Next, he went to his rooms, and set up wards. Exhausting ones, but worth. Nasty ones, but necessary. Dark ones, but unbreakable. Then, he went to the trunk bellow his bed. He put in on the bed. And out came a beautiful cassette player. With it a collection of rock and pop English music.

He had to set a magical buffer around it, to allow it to work properly, and then it began. As the lyrics of the first song started ... " And I miss you ! Like the desserts miss the rain !..." He sang along. He readied the food ad levitated the plate so that he could eat as he jammed. Severed Snape. In jeans. Eating chicken curry. With cheese. Popping tarts in the middle, or at the same time as chewing curry. Messy. Smiling. In a green polo. Jamming and doing the Mackerena. He was having the time of his life. This went on through the night.

The next morning, Snape was at the table. But everybody was worried. Snape hadn't cut points, he hadn't sneered, and he had cancelled all detentions for the week. The teachers even, for he had been polite to them all. All, even McGonnagal. The teachers were all sure he had be imperioed. Or killed and replaced. For Snape was never so nice.

In the silence of he great hall, Snape was carefree. He had a specially charmed whiskey glass, that looked like a normal goblet, connected to his supply of Pepsi, automatically refilling. He began humming a happy tune, and Flitwick dropped his cutlery and almost fell off his chair as he stared at Snape. Snape had schooled his expression by now, and just gave a hard stare. This scared Flitwick even more. No harsh comments? What was wrong with Snape?

Snape left the Great Hall, happy. Everybody else left it, terrified and worried. This was not going to end well, they all thought. All that Snape thought was 'Tonight's tandoori and Kenny G. night. He smiled to himself, as he walked into his, he thought, empty classroom.

Madam Pomfrey, who had been waiting for Snape, saw his smiling face, and promptly fainted.

End

A/N : I got this humour prompt, I hope I did it justice ! Review and read my other story, leave me ideas if you like out there !

R&R


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